I’m “We don’t encourage young people to get pregnant before marriage; we encourage them to have sex before marriage though!”
No Pregnancy, But Sex Allowed
By Samuel Ayodele Iwarere
Certain acts are considered normal in the society in which we now live in, even amongst professing Christians. To make matters worse, some of these behaviours are spoken lightly about by our youths. For example, in some of our communities, you hear statements like, “it is alright for people to have sex outside of marriage; however, getting pregnant in the process is unacceptable”. This type of statement raises a strong burden within me; what standards are we operating under as believers? Is it based on a general opinion amongst people in the communities that we live in, or is it based on the word of God? Is there really anything moral and biblical in the statement that endorses sex before marriage but refuses to endorse the person who gets pregnant because of the process? In this piece, my aim is not to criticise such practices that gets me thinking or open up a debate about sex or pregnancy; rather, I aim to point out potential school of thoughts around this statement, examine the potential consequences of such worldview, highlight and recommend a bible-based thinking.
I. School of thoughts
If a society will endorse sex between youths who are not married, but will condemn the youth who is pregnant outside of marriage, could this be based on the fact that she wants her youths to experience the pleasure of sex, but thinks that such youths are not ready for the responsibility of babies yet?
Or could such a thinking be based on the idea that if unmarried people are allowed to engage in sex before marriage, it could prevent having to deal with situations that happens to young ladies who gets married, only to find out that their husbands are unable to perform their bedroom duties?
II. Potential consequences
It is certain that if people are allowed to express themselves sexually outside the walls of marriage and commitment, we would see many situation of broken hearts, emotional hurts, and many problems that we might not be able to foresee at present.
If our reason for giving free sexual license to our unmarried youths is on the premise that it is better to find out if their husband-to-be or wife-to-be will be able to perform their sexual duties in marriage, then where is the place of trust and safety for the ones who wants to wait until after marriage. How well are we prepared to handle the pain and aftermaths that results from our so-called ‘experimentation’?
III. A bible–based thinking
A godly admonition – “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right”. Song of Solomon 8:4 (NLT).
If our relationships as youths who are unmarried are based on love, why should we seek or explore the possibility of sex before marriage? Why awaken love before the right time?
The great commandment – And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself”. Matthew 22:37-39 (ESV).
If we are to promote and operate on the principle of sex before marriage but no babies, are we for pro-life or against it? Is our principle based on real love for each other, as the law of God requires? If in the process, pregnancy does result, are we going to advice abortion on the ground that those involved are not married? If our response is yes, can it be said that we are a society that loves God? If we are a society who truly operate on love for his/her neighbour, then we will not be seen to deceive or defraud our neighbour of life!
Build on Love and trust – “Dear friend, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them”. John 4:7,16 (NLT).
If we build our lives on God’s word knowing that he truly loves us as a father loves his son, then we will not think that He will give us a wife or husband who will be unable to fulfil our sexual need in marriage. And even if we are faced with such dilemma, then let us approach him knowing that he has all the answers and will find a way for us because we love and trust him.
Samuel Ayodele Iwarere, simply referred to as Sam by many (although he prefers it in full) is a researcher at the University of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa where he conducts research projects in the discipline of Chemical Engineering. He draws his research interest primarily from projects that can contribute to improving the quality of lives of either people in a small community or on a larger scale. He is currently working on research projects that can provide scientific solutions to the attainment of some of the sustainable development goals as defined by the United Nations, to improve the quality of lives of people especially in the underdeveloped and developing countries.
He has authored or co-authored to date fifteen journal papers, two book chapters, and twenty conference papers at international level in his field of study where he holds a doctoral degree. Samuel is a believer in Jesus the Christ, and fellowship at the Every Nation Church, Durban in South Africa. In the same Church, he has been involved in lecturing at the Biblical Foundations Course and the Disciple Makers Course since 2011. Samuel is a firm believer in the fact that Church leaders in the body of Christ are called to raise men and women who will be qualified to raise more disciples (Ephesians 4:11-12; 2 Timothy 2:2) through the teaching of the undiluted word of God and accountability.
Samuel has a desire to see the liberation of different nations of Africa.